Thursday, July 1, 2010

Learning You're a Loser

photo from

What do you do when you lose? Point fingers, throw a temper tantrum, or do you try to get better?

I heard on the radio this week about a jr. sports team where they didn’t take score of the game. That way, no one would have his or her feelings hurt and no one would be called “loser”.

I found it very interesting.

Not that I would want people to be called loser, but I think losing builds character. People learn how to cope with one another, even when they feel bad about the way they have performed. They learn to be gracious winners, good sportsman or sometimes that they are jerks when they win and need to learn to be a little more humble.

The same thing goes for writing. We write, we get critiqued, we get rejected, we quit or we improve and start writing again. But this time, we learn what we are doing wrong in the craft and build upon that. See? Character building.

I just think losing gives me the drive to try harder, to improve myself to be the best I can. If I lose, I hope I’ll try again (Yeah, my mom had this try, try again rule in our house. I guess it stuck with me).

So the next time someone gives you that good old finger and thumb on the forehead, remember, it’s a good thing. It just means you are getting better and better. Sweet!

Have a great week guys, if you don’t hear from me much in the blog world, it’s because I’m using my super powers to conquer the pile of laundry overtaking my basement (I’m a little scared)!

JFYI: I’m going to start posting the same post from my personal blog as my group blog (at least through the summer). It just gives me more time to write. And I love the writing! =D


Jaydee Morgan said...

I think it's important to learn how to both win and lose. And you're writing, losing only makes me try harder :)

Good luck with that laundry!

salarsenッ said...

I guess that's what's shrouding my forehead: thumbprints. LOL. I hear you, C. What do you do with the insecurity, though. Never in my life, not even when I started writing, have I been insecure. The past month has been...I'll stop. Just thankful you posted this and think of me while you do laundry. Our dryer broke six days ago. Hubs fixed it two days ago. I'm drowning in decaying fabric...LOL.

Kristina P. said...

So, if you're OK with being a loser, you won't mind me being petty and telling you you spelled "You're" wrong in the title? :)

L.T. Elliot said...

I must have LOTS of character! ;)

Seriously, good point about losing with grace. It's truly a good thing to learn and grow. And I can vouch for how you've grown as a writer because you ROCK!

Jen said...

Happy Writing!!!

I think it does allow you to grow more as a person when you realize that you will have to lose at some point in life, if gives you something to learn from. If you are constantly winning then what's there to learn?!

Great post girl!

Shannon O'Donnell said...

I agree. The only way to learn good sportsmanship is to practice winning with humility and losing with grace. It's also how we learn from our mistakes. So true! Great post, bff. :-)

Susan R. Mills said...

I totally agree. Losing is an important part of life, and it definitely builds character. It used to bother me when my kids were little and they didn't keep score of the games. I wanted my kids to learn how to deal with losing.

LisAway said...

I'm not a competitive person so I don't care too much about losing at most things. I do like to be right, though, so, you know. I think, apart from swear words, "loser" is the epithet I hate the most. I just think it is rotten to call someone that. As if they've really lost for good. Like they can't change. I don't know. I just hate it, no matter how much I might not like the person or what they do.

Good luck with your laundry! I recently tamed mine. It was MUCH more of a project than it should have been.

Lynn said...

I hate feeling like a loser. But, loser status is my interpretation--no one else probably cares! Being hard on myself is the issue, rather than having lost. Great thoughts, Carolyn!

Mary Campbell said...

I'm a total loser with a capitol L, but I'm really good at it. I'd really like to learn how to be a good winner now.

Kathi Oram Peterson said...

You've explained this very well. It is necessary for us to lose so we can grow and learn. I'm a loser, because I'm learning every day. A writing career is a bumpy ride, but hang on because with every rejection you're getting better. I have a file drawer full of rejections. Really! I should be better than I am, but some of us are slow learners. ;)

Patti said...

I totally agree about the losing thing. We went through a whole soccer season of losing and I think we're better players for it. I heard that somewhere, I'm not sure where, if a team beats another team by 40 points in basketball then the winning team loses, which is totally ridiculous.

Great analogy to writing.

Shelley Sly said...

Carolyn! So happy to have the time to visit your blog once again.

This is such a wise post. I wouldn't say I'm a sore loser as in "I need to win", but I'm often a hurt loser, and I get too down on myself when I don't succeed. But imagine all the things we'd take for granted if we didn't have to go through rejection and criticism. Definitely worth it to go through "losing" before succeeding.

Thanks for your sweet comment on my blog! It's good to be back. :)

Tiana Smith said...

I agree that it's sometimes good to have winners and losers. Also, because if you don't, then you have unrealistic expectations, and get doubly disappointed when something you wanted doesn't pan out. Good luck with the laundry :)

Vatche said...

Hey, Carolyn! Thank you for your recent comments on my blog; it's greatly appreciated! :D

As for losing, I think it also builds character! If you fail, you just dust off, clean the wounds, and try again. It's interesting that this sports game didn't have a score, so no one would feel bad, but wouldn't that lower the effort of the team? What's the point of playing if everyone wins?

Anyway, awesome thoughts and write on!

Tess said...

We will lose 99% of the time ... but it's worth it to hang in there for that 1% when it comes through. I'm not giving up!

Elana Johnson said...

I think there's a better way to say it than loser. Not sure what that is, and no one likes to lose, but experiencing disappointment is crucial in life. It makes the successes that much more sweet. So I'm all about being a loser. :)