Monday, August 30, 2010

It Happens in Little Steps

It was summer when I went to the writing conference. There was a rumor that only one student per class would be picked by the teaching author to visit with an agent/editor. But it was only a rumor.

But I knew it was true.

I had known of its truth for three years.

I cried each time I was passed up, knowing I wasn’t good enough, wondering if my invested time was wasted.

This year I hoped it would be different.

As I read, I hid behind my glasses, hoping the teacher couldn’t see the sweat forming underneath their rims.

It was quiet when I finished. All my peers’ comments were good. A few suggestions, but not many.

Had I done it?

I waited, but nothing out of the ordinary happened. My turn was over. It was someone else’s chance to read. I just had to try to keep calm, keep the crushing disappointment from overtaking me.

Time passed. I didn’t hear any news. It was happening again, but I wouldn’t let it get me down. I wouldn’t shed any tears.

I grabbed my things, tucking them away, getting ready to go. The assistant inched her way over to me, smiled, and began to speak.

Her lips moved. I could hear her words, but they didn’t make sense.

My ears weren’t the only things broken. Something was wrong with my feet. I knew because with each step I took, they didn’t touch the ground.

My friend noticed the difference too. She was the first to ask me. I had warned her about the sniveling, she should just expect it. We writers are emotional beings. But I couldn’t help it. I started to sob.

But it was different this time. Because I felt like I was a little bit closer. Because I had overcome what I had wanted to for so long. Because I knew I could do it. Somehow, the tears were okay today.

27 comments:

Summer Ross said...

great images!

Patti said...

That sounds great, tears of joy are a lot better than tears of disappointment.

Elana Johnson said...

Dude, I want to know what the assistant said!!! Great writing here.

Candyland said...

I'm with E! Tell me more! What a good story!

Angie said...

Yeah for you, Carolyn! Nicely done.

Sara B. Larson said...

So are you ready to get back into writing/doing crit group again? Yay! You've got great things coming, I know it! :D

Danyelle said...

Yay for happy tears and many *hugs* for being such an awesome person!

Mary Campbell said...

oh my gosh - can't believe you didn't tell me what happened. congrats - I think. What happened?

Bethany Mattingly said...

:) That's a fantastic post. It totally makes me feel like there's hope for my wanted future. I'm so glad you got the chance to show how awesome you are!

Lola Sharp said...

I'm with Elana!

What'd she say??

Gret post. :)

L.T. Elliot said...

Congratulations! You so deserve it. I'm so proud of you. You're an incredible writer with an incredible future ahead of you. So, so proud of you.

ali said...

I only have the teeniest smidgen of understanding here but I'm guessing you're on your way? Not exactly where you hoped to be, but somewhere further down the road? Journey's are often long, but they're almost always worth it! ((hugs))

Kathi Oram Peterson said...

Good for you, Carolyn! You're right. It comes in little steps and then all at once you're there. Hang on and enjoy the ride. ;)

Jen said...

Great story!!! You are so right, happens in little steps!! You're an awesome writer and I love being able to follow you in the journey!!

Vicki Rocho said...

Is this *just* a story or is this a sneaky way of telling us you made it? I'm hoping for the latter! I wanna celebrate with you! Either way, great piece!

Melanie J said...

Congratulations?

Becca said...

I will assume that this means great things. That you have taken one giant leap for writer-girl-kind. Yea!

Michelle Davidson Argyle said...

Wow, great story! And I suppose congrats are in order. I'm dying to know more details. :)

Tahereh said...

awww lovely!!

Heidi said...

This, my friend, was beautifully written.

Shannon O'Donnell said...

Wow. This is so powerful and emotional, Carolyn - I love it!!

Sorry I've been such an absentee bloggy buddy - I'll make it up to you. :-)

LeishaMaw said...

Very nice! Congrats.

Vatche said...

What a lovely, gripping, and touching story, Carolyn.

I know how you feel about tears of joy, the best tears of them all. I'm happy for you!

You're also right that writers are very emotional beings and that includes me, too. I get very emotional and I'm a man, but I'm proud of it!

Write on and it's okay to cry tears of joy!

Terry Stonecrop said...

Great emotion! What did she say?

Solvang Sherrie said...

Happy tears? Feet off the ground? So, did they select you? Details, please!

Amparo Ortiz said...

Yep. I'm jumping on Elana's wagon--what did she say????

In the end, it doesn't really matter if I know or not :) You're happy, and that's what counts. Just keep pushing on, okay?? No quitting!

Carolyn V. said...

Thanks everyone!