Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Movies, Fake Smiles, and One Rolling Eye

We both sat, fidgeting in our theater seats waiting for the lights to turn up.

Neither of us wanting to talk first. It wasn’t that the movie was bad, bad. Only a little bad. Some people loved it, I could tell, because they were clapping. What was wrong with them?

“So, what did you think of the movie?” I asked.

“It was good.”

We both nodded heads in unison, but I could tell she didn’t mean it by the way she smiled that fake smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

“Yeah, good.”

We were still nodding heads, expecting something more to happen.

“I…um…” Should I be honest or tell a blatant lie. “I found it a little fake. It pulled me out of the movie a few times.” I looked down at my feet.

“Yeah,” she said.

“And the plot holes.” I made a face, that one face with the grimace while one of my eyes rolls way back into my head (and that’s a hard thing to do). I also throw my hands up in the air for extra dramatic effect.

“I know, did you see the surprise ending that wasn’t a surprise at all?”

Yes! She really does agree with me. I knew we were kindred spirits.

“What about that guy screaming in the water? That was hilarious. How fake was that? Who screams in water?” I threw my head back, letting the laughter roll out. A lot of laughter, maybe too much.

Yes, I believe movies may never be the same for me. Plot holes are bigger, the bad writing is worse. Throw in an unbelievable character and BAM - bad movie. (You’ve gotta go to those movies with a good friend, because that makes it all worth it, especially if you can critique it together and laugh at all the goofy parts) (Thanks L.T. for going with me! You ROCK!)

But I have to admit, the love story was a hoot.

“I’ve loved you all this time,” girl says to boy. “If it weren’t for those mind controlling thingies that made me kill that entire country and make me hate you for a half a decade, we could still be together.” Wind blows through girl’s hair, even though they are not outside.

“It’s okay, I still love you…even though you tried to kill me with your awesome high heel shoes and you have some computer virus in your head that will make you attack me at any minute now…I will take you back. I will fix you, because even the thought of me can make you come out of mind controlled…control.” Boy swings his long hair behind his shoulder. He looks longingly into the camera before smiling his brilliant smile and giving the audience two thumbs up. “Besides, look at my awesome muscles. Now what kind of girl can resist that?” His eyebrow raises (Only one. You know. For dramatic effect).

“Oh,” cute girl throws hand onto forehead, overwhelmed by boyfriend’s wonderful act of forgiveness (or did his awesome muscles made her light-headed? I’m not sure), “Carry me, because I feel weak in your presence.”

Boy scoops girl into arms and carries her to fighter ship, where she is now strong enough to shoot up bad guys with a vengeance.

Now THAT is writing. Although, I don’t think it was supposed to be funny.


Kristi Stevens said...

Was this a real movie? If so I gotta know what it was. I tried to guess but . . . I've haven't been out much lately. You gotta tell me. You just gotta.

Great post BTW. Like I've said before I love your voice.

Carolyn V. said...

Hee hee, it is a real movie. The best ever! You haven't seen it? That's it, we're coming over there with a tub of popcorn and a couple of barf bags. You'll love it!

L.T. Elliot said...

Hmmm. That sounds familiar...I wonder which movie it was. ;)

Carolyn V. said...

Hee hee, I shall never tell. mwa haha!

Julie said...

That was hilarious. If it's a real movie I want to know so I can laugh my head off. Bad movies can be such great entertainment.

Peay Family said...

please divulge the movie!!! I can't WAIT to go see another movie with you!! :)

Carolyn V. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

And Here I thought GI Joe was a great movie... a lot better than Transformers 2 anyway (not that that's saying a lot I suppose).

Maybe it's the testosterone in me, but I have this really cool ability to just turn my brain off and drool on myself through the two hours of blowing stuff up and watching dramatic love scenes that I know will end up ruining the sequel. That's just me though... Really though, I was just jealous that they had those really cool suits of enhancement armor... I mean really, who doesn't want to havea a machine gun on his forearm and jump through trains! I was 'entertained'!!

Carolyn V. said...

Okay Houdini, I must admit, I was a little jealous of those awesome suits too. And those wicked black boots on the bad guy, sweet! But I still love the part when the guy goes screaming in the water. LOVED IT!